(Ape caricature art by Richard Smith)
Lucas Hardwick, Contributing Writer, in Collaboration with ATLRetro
Welcome to Apes on Film! This column exists to scratch your retro-film-in-high-definition itch. We’ll be reviewing new releases of vintage cinema and television on disc of all genres, finding gems and letting you know the skinny on what to avoid. Here at Apes on Film, our aim is to uncover the best in retro film. As we dig for artifacts, we’ll do our best not to bury our reputation. What will we find out here? Our destiny.
WEIRD SCIENCE– 1985
4 out of 5 Bananas
Starring: Anthony Michael Hall, Ilan Mitchell-Smith, Kelly LeBrock, Bill Paxton, Suzanne Snyder, Judie Aronson, Robert Downey Jr., Robert Rusler
Director: John Hughes
Rated: PG-13
Studio: Arrow Video
Region: 4K UHD Region Free
BRD Release Date: August 22, 2023
Audio Formats: English: DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 (48kHz, 24-bit), English: DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 (48kHz, 24-bit)
Video Codec: HEVC / H.265
Resolution: Native 4K (2160p)
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Run Time: 97 minutes
The adolescent weekend sleepover is a realm of heightened possibility. Two like minds so alike they’ve agreed to spend the weekend together for the purpose of none other than to mine any variety of wall-to-wall amusement for a solid 48 hours. The usual parental mandates are loosened for these very special and often rare occasions, and in the best-case scenarios, parents are otherwise preoccupied or missing altogether. These are the instances when the best laid plans between two inseparable cohorts come to bear. This reviewer’s most memorable sleepovers cultivated firing BB guns inside the house and peeping soft-core cable programming through heavy-lidded eyes. The adolescent sleepover is a dare to accomplish missions none would venture alone, and exists as a living laboratory of the pubescent mind.
In John Hughes’ WEIRD SCIENCE, high school dweebs Gary and Wyatt (Anthony Michael Hall and Ilan Mitchell-Smith) are left to their own hormonally-charged devices for a weekend in Wyatt’s sprawling, well-stocked palatial home. The boys ingest piles of snacks and classic Universal horror films while pouting about the unrequited attention of two girls from the cheerleading squad—Deb and Hilly (Suzanne Snyder and Judie Aronson).
Watching James Whale’s 1931 feature FRANKENSTEIN, and sizing up Wyatt’s state-of-the-art computer rig, Gary concocts the idea that the boys create the perfect woman for themselves. Plotted as a simulation only, inexplicable “weird science” occurs and produces the real live woman of Gary and Wyatt’s dreams in the form of the very beautiful and very adult Lisa (Kelly LeBrock). Lisa is not only the boys’ perfect female companion, she’s also supercharged with powers to provide sports cars and fake IDs out of thin air. It’s the time-honored tale of the search for personal identity through unlimited means told in the horror-adjacent tactic of playing god by building bodies for exacting impossible demands.
Most famous for manifesting classic teenybopper angst and humor in his films, grown-up teenager John Hughes executes the most primal version of his fascinations in WEIRD SCIENCE. Charged with sex and wit, the story is a raw look into the teenage male psyche obsessed with the arduous task of solving identity, female desires, and ultimately their alpha roles within society. It’s a film so puerile and reactive, dare I say it could hardly be made today.
With barely any plot to get in the way of the story, the film unfolds on in-the-moment impulses of two boys with the world conceivably at their disposal. The first thing the guys do with Lisa once she appears is what any teenage boys would do: watch her shower. Then it’s a night on the town culminating in a scene that will shock the youthful progressive minds of the present day as Gary not only drinks and smokes as an underage young adult, but talks in jive and refers to “big-titty eighth-grade bitches.” The scene’s inappropriate nature charges it with a new sense of humor for modern audiences. In 1985 it falls in line with the typical brand of silliness found in most 80s comedies, but in 2023 it’s hilarious because it’s shocking.
With Lisa at their side, Gary and Wyatt seem unstoppable, but Wyatt’s older brother Chet (Bill Paxton) – a living roadblock armed with extortion and blackmail tactics – isn’t afraid to wave a gun around. When Chet isn’t on screen bilking Wyatt for money and slinging inappropriate slurs, he exists in the background reminding everyone of a reality beyond the fantasy Gary and Wyatt have created for themselves, that when Mom and Dad get home, there’s gonna be some explaining to do.
Deb and Hilly’s current love interests also exist as reminders of Gary and Wyatt’s uncool place in the teenage hierarchy. Ian and Max (Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Rusler) are the pants-shucking high school bullies the boys are forced to compete against for the fickle affections of the freshmen females. Gary and Wyatt’s requisite trip to the mall winds up drenched in cherry-flavored public humiliation that has Lisa coming to their rescue with a couple of sports cars and an all-inclusive invitation to a climactic party at Wyatt’s house where the limits of the weekend fantasy knows no bounds.
The mechanics of Gary and Wyatt’s reverie become less and less important as the film moves along. How and why Lisa is able to do the things she does ceases to be of any concern for the boys, the audience, and even director Hughes himself. The final act, culminating in the party of the century, is fantasy unhinged as grand pianos are sucked up chimneys, nuclear missiles are willed into existence, and a barbaric motorcycle gang crashes into the scene at last forcing Gary and Wyatt to grow beyond dweeby status and establish their own identities as iconic cool.
Arrow Video presents WEIRD SCIENCE on 4K Ultra-High Definition Blu-Ray disc. This new release is loaded with interviews from casting director Jackie Burch, editor Chris Lebenzon, composer Ira Newborn, makeup artist Craig Reardon, and supporting actor John Kapelos. The disc also includes the extended and edited-for-TV versions of the film as well as the archival documentary IT’S ALIVE! RESURRECTING WEIRD SCIENCE. Other features are an illustrated booklet with writing on the film by authors Alexandra Heller-Nicholas and Amanda Reyes and a double-sided fold-out poster of original and newly commissioned artwork by Tracie Ching.
The magic of the Gary and Wyatt’s fantasy weekend is never explained, and ultimately it’s not important as everything returns to normal seconds before Wyatt’s parents return home. The story is at best a heightened construct of the teenage mind, amplifying the trials of pimply-faced noggins and hormone-enraged hearts, reminding us of the politics and romance that rule the adolescent institution.
When he’s not working as a Sasquatch stand-in for sleazy European films, Lucas Hardwick spends time writing film essays and reviews for We Belong Dead and Screem magazines. Lucas also enjoys writing horror shorts and has earned Quarterfinalist status in the Killer Shorts and HorrOrigins screenwriting contests. You can find Lucas’ shorts on Coverfly. Look for Lucas on Twitter, Facebook, and Letterboxd, and for all of Lucas’s content, be sure to check out his Linktree.
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