Over the course of the COVID quarantine, I was fortunate enough to spend time with my screen idol Godzilla himself. The famous Kaiju had a bit of downtime and agreed to a Zoom interview to chat about his upcoming film “Godzilla vs Kong.”
Victor Mercado: Thank you for taking the time to speak with me. Fans are curious about how and where you are spending the quarantine?
Godzilla: My pleasure and thank you for having me (classic roar). Well, all the Kaiju. Ahem. Titans including myself are staying put on Monster Island. Staying in my Volcano villa and being socially distant. As you can imagine it’s very difficult to get delivery so I have been learning to be a beast in the kitchen. Also, I’ve been able to get in some real me time and see significant emotional and spiritual growth, though truth be told, I really miss the sound a building makes when it’s being crushed. Also, I am a huge fan of Peloton and working to keep the quarantine weight off.
VM: Peloton really? (Joking) Would have been useful for your 2014 movie
GZ:…
VM: Moving on.. yes well I assume it’s been quite some time since you made your way to crushing any buildings.
GZ: Well after the “King of the Monsters” the studio felt indiscriminate citywide carnage would put a negative spin on the movie’s marketing so we agreed to hold back for a bit. Now with the quarantine slowly being lifted, we are in phase 1.
VM: What’s phase 1 for Monster Island?
GZ: Well in phase 1 we cannot touch down on land. We can only menacingly swim or fly by a large military and civilian ships but absolutely no contact. Again, social distancing.
VM: Go phase 1 then. How were you entertaining yourself at home?
GZ: Streaming streaming streaming .. I have seen all of my movies across all platforms and I’m still amazing in all of them. (toothy grin) I thought life had ended when I finished “Ozark” but then came “Tiger King”. “The Masked Singer” was life for a time and now I find myself on quite a rom-com flick. “Failure to Launch” anyone? (classic roar).. I also love to paint now.
VM: Really? What do you paint?
GZ: I love painting the complexity of humans. Humans running. Humans screaming. Humans pointing and screaming…Mostly humans being humans.
VM: And that’s.. lovely… Let’s talk a bit about your upcoming movie “Godzilla vs Kong.” What can you tell us about the movie?
GZ: Obviously there is more I can’t discuss than I can, but it’s very Kaiju. Excuse me. Titan centric. We have little humans doing little human things and dealing with their little human dilemmas but they’re just filler for the grand exposition of. Kai..Don’t say it, sorry, Titan’s almost existential search for their place in the world. And we crush a lot of buildings. We literally crush everything around us. Nothing is left uncrushed and at the end of the day, there’s your biggest takeaway.
VM: Understandably. The biggest question on everyone’s mind, who will walk away from the undisputed king?
GZ: I’ll answer that question with a question. In “Batman v Superman,” all Martha’s aside, who kicked who’s tail. Let’s be honest the movie isn’t called “Kong vs Godzilla.”
VM: Are you saying, by that logic, in 1962’s “King Kong vs Godzilla.” Kong was the definitive winner?
GZ: (glowing red)
VM:...
GZ: His claim to fame during that fight was jamming a tree in my mouth. I tossed him all over the place, set him on fire, and everyone only talks about the tree in my mouth. The entire fight was just beneath me and at the end, I was just over it. You have to understand my life at the time was moving in a different direction than I had anticipated. I was going through my second divorce and had dealing with a city crushing addiction. The fight that needed to be fought was internal, so I left him to find my better self. And it brought me here bigger, better, and stronger than before. If I can bring those helped me build my brand along for this new success I’m happy to.
VM: You mean like Rodan, Mothra, and Ghidorah?
GZ: Precisely. And now Donkey. Excuse me, Kong.
VM: What would you like to tell your fans?
Anguirus: Hi guys.
GZ: Anguirus get off of this Zoom chat!
AS: OK ok I just wanted to say how excited I am to be a part of the Monsterverse.
GZ: You’re not a part of the Monsterverse stop saying that.
VM: Anguirus welcome, how are you a part of the Monsterverse?
GZ: He’s not.
AS: Well I’m happy you asked, you can see me laying outside of Godzilla’s underwater lair. I’m a source of multiple fan theories which no one wants to confirm because I am to be the greatest of Easter Eggs!!
GZ: It’s a random skeleton. Not. You.
AS: But isn’t it tho..
GZ: You roll into a ball and get kicked. You’re not in the Monsterverse..
AS:… But aren’t I tho
VM: Godzilla, final words on…
Shin Godzilla: Hello!
GZ: How is everyone getting on this!? Shin..Shin. Log off!
SG: I like kitties.
GZ: I’m sorry for my cousin.
AS: How does he get a movie?! He looks like a walking tumor and why doesn’t he blink. And look at those arms. They’re like two wilted little accidents of evolution.
VM: Who is he staring at?
AS: Blink for the love of God!
Rodan: (Squawk) Are we doing Zoom happy hour already!? My mimosa is not gonna drink itself.
GZ: Are security settings even a thing? No Rodan..Get off!
SG: Kitties!!
AS: I’m an Easter egg!!
VM: OK, well thank you all for…
Kong: You guys tried to start happy hour without me!? You always do that.
GZ: I literally hate everyone (glowing blue mouth, flash of light) connection lost…
That was all we could salvage from the interview with Godzilla and the rest. “Godzilla vs Kong” is set to appear in theatres Nov 20, 2020.
Written by Victor Mercado
